Conflicts. Are they really that bad?

"Stop arguing with you sister!"   

"Don't talk to your father like that!"   

"Oh stop yelling! my head hurts...."

These are various forms of disiplinary actions you might remember from your parents. You might have done the same thing, while babysitting the kids of the neighbors or raising your own.

Most people avoid conflicts, as they are assosiated with anger, problems and annoyance. Many conflicts end up in frustration, hurt and endless disagreement. But what if someone told you that conflicts are a way of making a relationship deeper and that they are an opportunity for you to learn and grow?

During the first few weeks studying Communication Management, we had to study a book by Alan Garner, that was translated and adapted to the Dutch reality by Frank Oomkees.  The title in Dutch is "Communiceren" and the book in English by Alan Garner (that I found on Amazon) is called "Conversationally Speaking".

During the workshops, based on this book, we tried to learn how to actively listen, give feedback, receive and give kritisism. At some point we talked about conflicts. Avoid them? Or use them to your advantage and get something out of them.

Conflicts, according to Oomkees, come in various forms. These categories help in resolving them, as each category has it's own reasons. One problem though. People are very impredictable and often one argument has a very different underlying problem.

Next time you feel the urge to yel at someone, do it (or something like it). Let others know you are angry and frustrated and that you want this issue resolved. Be assertive and be heard.

And if you are confronted by someone that is angry at you, take a step back and talk with them. Get to the bottom of it and get as much information as you can. It will take time, but it probably will give you the tools to grow and become a better person.